Do YOU really have to break during a breakup?

After a bittersweet civilised mutual split, I couldn’t help but wonder what a persons’ favourite pastime post-break up may be? 

Do all Women become a forever alone, Bridget Jones wonnabe, with sweats, joggers and onsies, ice cream and the occasional bottle of wine? Or do we all become reckless and jump on the nightclub and rebound bandwagon?

I decided to ask my guys and gals what their break up bonanza is and how best to deal with this sometimes sticky situation. After all, not everyone can have a Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin conscious uncoupling, or can they?

Whilst many of the girls I asked portrayed subtle signs of the stereotypical Bridget Jones Phenomenon, they indicated that this ‘mourning’ phase didn’t last long. Whilst questions asked during this period are often self-reflective, they are of the negative sort: why me? Is it my entire fault? Am I really that unlovable? Whilst I did not really go through this phase, it can occur in time capsules of a couple of hours to a couple of weeks. The sooner you’re out of the slump the better. Whilst in this melancholic period of time, choose to do things that will raise your mood, girlie chick flicks, sci-fi, and action whatever makes you feel good films, delicious food, healthy food, and shower,  keep up personal hygiene, motivational music is also brilliant. Your mood should levitate in no time.

Drinking away your problems will not solve your problems, this should not be seen as an escape mechanism, but if you want to have a fun night out or sociable drink then, by all means, go ahead. Make sure not to associate alcohol with having a good time, you can enjoy yourself just as much without the beer goggles. Beer goggles, which can lead to that drunken text or that drunken rebound? Whilst the rebound is a common way of ‘getting over someone by getting under someone’, it is often self-destructive and de-moralising, it’s a situation which you may not be mentally prepared for.

After a negative experience, no matter how pleasant it may have seemed on the exterior or to a third party. I believe it’s always best not to dwell on negative emotions, wallowing in self-pity, and allowing negative attitudes and thoughts will possibly wreck your self-esteem that little bit more.

Creating positive energy around you is important in day-to-day life, and is possibly one of the best ways and regain your self-confidence. Why not buy those new gorgeous boots that make your legs look endless? Go for that haircut/colour you've always wanted! Read that book that sends you to a magical place/ another universe! Travel places you've always wanted to go! You’re single and the world is your oyster. Whether you do these things alone or with a friend, they are guaranteed to boost your confidence and help you realise a break up really isn't the end of the world. A break up is an opportunity for you to rediscover yourself and establish who you are and what you want.  After all is this person really worth your time/tears any more?

The people I asked all agree and said that once they put their mind to something positive and that they felt passionate about they started to feel better and more self-confident. These projects were as different as starting a web-page, starting to learn and passing their driving test, getting a new haircut or going on a shopping spree, starting/continuing their new Blog (guilty of that one!), going to the gym/running/yoga, just going for long autumn walks,  and reading hat book/seeing that film they've always wanted to see. 

They all realised that when they concentrated on themselves and starting to find out who they were, gaining more confidence they started to find they're happier and felt less negatively about the whole breakup situation, with some even remaining friends with their ex’s.

You’re probably a lot stronger than you think, you can be independent, it’s important to love yourself and be happy in your own skin before trying to love someone else or asking someone to love you.

A few break up DO’s and DON’Ts:

•          DO be as civilised as you can and listen and try to understand each other and the reason for the split
•          DON’T become angry and bitter over a small (probably insignificant in the future) situation or misunderstanding,  you did at some time like this person
•           Do Have a day or two to yourself watching movies and being an ice cream loving couch potato
•           DON’T let these few days turn into a week or longer
•          DO something creative, whether it be fashion, beauty, literature, photography, art, or anything else you can think of, expand your mind and knowledge
•           DON’T post hatred or grief over social media; no one likes a moaner, keep your dignity intact, please
•           DO  keep thinking positive and SMILE (it really does confuse people) Laughter is the best medicine and it’s free
•           DON’T expect to be over this person in a day (if you are then great) but depending on the length and depth of your relationship it may take longer
•           DO take every day at a time, find something positive about yourself every day, and why not give yourself a little treat?
•          DON’T jump onto the first person that comes along, it may not be as good for you as you thought(given that everyone is different and move at different paces) but respecting yourself is most important
•           DO accept what has happened and move on. Everything happens for a reason, this person wasn't right for you at this time, you really never know what the future holds.

Remember -no matter what happens- to keep your chin up and look for inspiration in the right role models, thinking and feeling positive about the situation and yourself is the key to stay happy and achieving self-confidence again.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this post! As always please feel free to comment away and come back to read my next post!

Much loves x