Day 3 Without Anxiety

Family Dinner At A Restaurant

What's the Challenge?

Eating at a restaurant I know, with family.

Why the Anxiety?

Whenever I eat at a restaurant, I want the ground to swallow me whole. I have frequent panic attacks when eating out, in fact, restaurants/take-outs/pubs/cafes are the places in which 9 times out of 10 I will panic. It's got to the point where I will avoid eating out altogether, It's rubbish for me as I'm a self-confessed foodie, and it means I miss out on many celebrations and gatherings, as I will simply refuse to go or eat. I feel like everybody is staring at me, and judging the way I eat or how much I'm eating. I think it comes down to the fact that I was bullied for being 'too skinny' in school and actually even now, I will get the odd comment about how I don't eat enough (let me tell you, I eat A LOT but also have a very fast metabolism.). As anyone who has been bullied will know, it makes you feel extremely self-conscious, and you end up hating that part of yourself. 

Anxiety Before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕

Holy poop, someone help! I feel like I'm drowning. I chose the restaurant, made the reservation, gave them specific table requirements (my Nan has a metal cast around her leg so would need a table out of the way, I would also appreciate a table 'out of the way'), and the dietary requirements (yes, that's right little lactose intolerant person right here, hello). So why panic? Well, everything that's mentioned above, bullies are actually the worst, but you know what bullies, I'm going to do this and I will win! I put the thoughts of people staring (very much like the dreams you see in films where the hero gets laughed at for some reason or other) to the back of my mind and focus on my breathing, the only way I can get through this is to breath in (1,2,3,4) hold (2,3,4), and out (1,2,3,4), I continue like this in the car on the way to my Nan's house. Nan is a welcome distraction and family banter soon starts and calms me down even more. 

Anxiety During?🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

I'm here guys, I did it, I got out the car, walked into the restaurant, owned the fact that I, yes I (me, myself and I) made the reservation for this restaurant for my Family to celebrate my Nana's birthday (oooh yeah). I placed myself in-between members of my beautifully mixed raced famalam and started to enjoy conversation, and sharing starters, even cracking jokes. The table is placed out of the way and I can see the entirety of the restaurant which makes me feel more comfortable and less vulnerable. The waiter as cute as he may have been (literally gorgeous, gorgeous man) made me feel uncomfortable, and the few people on the surrounding tables made that niggling feeling in my stomach -that people may be watching and judging- come to life, however I managed to control this and the irrational thoughts that often pop into my head. By using the breathing technique mentioned above I was able to calm myself into a rational mindset and fight off the early signs of a panic attack.

Anxiety After?🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

I did it , I did it, I did it, an activity so simple, that everyone that has the privilege to be able to do, does so simply, an activity that I have been avoiding for over a year! Eeeeeeeeek! I'm so proud of my self (excuse whilst I do a little victory dance...).

(source giphy, Friends™)

Can I go out and do it again now, please? Can I go out to all those meals I missed because I was a scared little chicken, please? Wow, I feel so empowered. I honestly feel like I could do anything right now. Go out to a restaurant I don't know with friends rather than family? Steady on, let's not get carried away! Whilst I'm super duper, triple diple, (I don't know where that came from either, just roll with it) proud of myself, I'm not going to bite off more than I can chew. Considering the fact this is the activity I wanted to do as the last challenge because it, well, it scares the crap out of me (sorry for the little eyes reading this but poop was not the right word to be used in this context), eating out somewhere I don't know will definitely be another challenge. 

Update? 

Sure thing, you can watch the video (at the top of the page) and read/watch all about my next restaurant adventure in challenge 7 (publish date to be confirmed but I have a feeling it'll be 14/10/17)

Thanks for reading

xo

Enjoy Day 3? Have you read Day 2 or Day 4?

P.S. Hi guys, just thought I'd add a side note and let you know for one of my future challenges I am going to climb the O2 arena in London (I'm petrified of heights). I'm doing this to not only conquer my fears and anxiety but I'm helping to fundraise for POST PALS, a volunteer run charity that is hoping to send severely and terminally ill children away for the weekend with their families. Please Click on the links (in blue) if you would like to DONATE or FIND OUT MORE about this wonderful charity and project. (I 'm paying to do the Climb myself so any donations you make will go straight towards helping to make some beautiful family memories for the children who live in hospitals). You can also Donate by texting 'PALS56 £1' to 70070 to donate £1, (the amount can be adjusted eg 'PALS 56 £10' will donate £10.) Thank You, soo soo much xo

Struggling with Mental Health?

Helpful Links:
....Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
    Infoline: 03000 123 3393
....NHS: http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx
    Call: 111 for urgent needs
....Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you
     Helpline: 116 123 (UK & ROI)