Day 8 Without Anxiety

Dress Day


What's the Challenge?
To wear a Dress in public all day.

Why the Anxiety?
I have not worn a dress in public in over 8 months. As my mental health got worse, the baggier my clothes got. My typical outfit would have been a sports bra, a loose top under a large baggy jumper, 'Bridget Jones' style underwear and a pair of jeans (or leggings depending on the length of the jumper). I feel vulnerable wearing a dress or anything low cut or short, I constantly feel the need to keep everything covered up and show minimal skin. I do not want to attract attention to myself. I would rather blur into the background, become part of the landscape and someone no one would look twice at. If I could make myself invisible I would have. After feeling like people have been looking and judging me for ages, wearing a dress out in public is a massive step, and I’m actually really scared. I have been hiding from the world for so long, emerging back into society in this way is nauseating.

Anxiety Before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕

You may not be able to tell on the video but before I put the dress on, I was bricking it, in fact the intro to the video was edited down a lot, I didn't really think you wanted to see sections of me crying for 10 minutes at a time, or just sitting there looking slightly possessed due to being paralysed by fear. All the normal physical symptoms that come with level 8 anxiety were presenting themselves: the shakes, the sweating, the headache, breathlessness, nauseous, tight chested, slightly dizzy and wondering why I am putting myself through all of this.

Anxiety During? 🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

IT IS SO HOT. Being one of the hottest days so far definitely helped my situation. It’s classed as socially acceptable for a woman to wear a skirt or a dress when the weather is starting to reach the high twenties in England. (Whilst most men will walk around topless wearing shorts, women still have to adhere to a ‘socially acceptable’ dress code and not show too much flesh). Women were out in Short sleeves and dresses and I felt part of the bigger picture rather than a lone wolf. This being said it was still very difficult for me to do. I had moments when I was very very self conscious and almost felt naked on occasion. Luckily for me this was only on occasion and having Lucy and Yoda by my side most of the day gave me a sense of protection. There was so much to catch up on with Lucy, Yoda was a little needy and It was his first time in town and I had to make sure he was kept cool in the heat. We even took Yoda shopping (in the shops they allow dogs) there was so much do to and I finally started to feel a bit like a normal person.

Anxiety After? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

I cannot shake the feeling that if the weather had been different I would have felt a lot more self conscious than I did. Would I be able to survive in that situation if Lucy and/or Yoda hadn’t been there? The self-doubt definitely kicked in after I filmed the conclusion in the vlog. Even whilst I was in the bath, I was still going over would could have happened differently or what could have gone wrong. I should be happy I just completed a challenge and It was a very difficult one for me. Clearly this challenge is still on my mind and it’s a brilliant example to show you how anxiety after an activity or event also happens. Anxiety isn’t always logical and this post-challenge fear is definitely illogical.

Update?
The day after this challenge was another scorcher and I’m pleased to say I wore another dress, this dress is more girly and floaty and shows a little more skin. I felt so much more comfortable in this dress and will happily go out in a dress above, on or below the knee now. I’m super proud of myself and I felt like this challenge gave me that little boost of confidence that I needed in order to start dressing for myself and discovery what my personal style may be.


Thanks for reading
xo
Enjoy Day ? Have you read Day 7 ?
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