Day 14 Without Anxiety

Kayaking

What's The Challenge?

To go Kayaking.

Why The Anxiety?

The Anxiety for this task lead back to my fear of deep water, and the anxious feeling I had the last time I went swimming, I felt like the pool was constantly elongating and that I would never reach the edge. I have tried to avoid water since that incident. I'm also worried I won't be very good, the last time I went Kayaking, was at Primary School. What if I tire? If I fall in? what if there's a freak weather accident and I get sucked into a whirlpool? My confidence is rather a low on a day to day, just walking down the street, so why oh why, am I even attempting to Kayak? My friends have suggested Kayaking and other water sports for a group activity before, I have always usually made an excuse, this time, however, it's a siblings birthday and a challenge I must complete.

Anxiety before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕

What to wear Kayaking was a question I kept asking myself this morning, soon resolved with a high waist swimsuit, 3/4 leggings, and a black t-shirt with a bomber jacket and oldish trainers. Once dressed and fed, I plaited my hair, (which I was sure was going to match the colour of the green water we would be Kayaking in. I remained rather anxious free and more so excited until we started to travel to our destination and the fear of the unknown rushed through me once again. I found myself greeting the usual anxiety symptoms that I have grown to know so well. The nauseous and headache kicked in first, I started shaking a little and sweating, then came the dizziness and shortness of breath. Oh, Slugsbottoms, I felt like I was about to have a full-blown panic attack, did I? No, instead I followed what I would usually do when I felt travel or car sick on long journeys, I wound my window down a little, sipped on water, closed my eyes and concentrated on my breath. Deep breath in for 4 counts, hold for 2 and exhale for 4, hold for 2 and so on and so forth. This method is the best one I use, it stops my thoughts going into overload and allows me to get my breath into a regular rhythm, eventually calming myself down and being able to continue as before. (watch my breathing technique)

Anxiety During? 🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

The sun shining and the heat of the day is actually something I am grateful for today. It means the chilly wind that you get on the water wasn't as icy, I was able to leave my bomber jacket onshore and my clothes to dry quicker. Despite initial teethings of getting into a rhythm and worries they were going to tip us so we knew how to turn ourselves around (they didn't tip us, phew), there was minimal to no stresses on the trip. If anything It was quite meditative, and the sun rays glistening against the water and the boats along the journey were beautiful. The group we went with was lovely, some first time Kayakers, some experts asking questions about buying their own Kayaks (alright for some), and then the instructor was very friendly patient, understanding and had attached an older woman to the back of his kayak (due to complaints of a bad back at the beginning of the course), he made us all feel very at ease.

Don't get me wrong, there were moments when I was worried, people bumping into you, potentially getting hit by someone's oar (or is it a paddle?), checking my go-pro and hoping certain family members didn't break it. All in all much like the last task I threw myself into this and had to concentrate on what I was doing at the time, rather than allow my mind to wonder about everything that could go wrong. There I times when I didn't need to paddle at all, or very little and just let the current take us. I didn't find myself worrying at these times either, rather just admiring and appreciating my surroundings and the weather. I didn't really want it to end.

The fear crept back in slightly as we had to embark on the bank, I didn't want to embarrass myself, I wanted to do this perfectly, I didn't want to fail. There it was that little anxious niggle making its presence known. Be it luck, skill and a mixture of the two I was up on the bank and out of my kayak within a minute, feeling rather proud of myself and helping others who were experiencing difficulty. 

Anxiety After? 🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

It was beautiful, therapeutic and I would highly recommend this sport to anyone who may have any fears like mine or even a novice who has never thought about attempting Kayaking. I fell -once again- in love with Kayaking. I wasn't the only one, my family members who had only ever been canoeing once before all (one of whom was rather hungover) loved the sport and the tranquillity of the experience. I cannot really describe in words how I felt after completing this challenge (my face probably says it all), a feeling of pride and utter relaxation, I didn't want to take on the next challenge just yet (I usually do), I was content with my triumph and achievement of the day, I think I may have even been happy.

Update?

Despite my serene state after this challenge, I am yet to get back out onto the water and kayak some more. However, I have been saying yes to more plans, and keeping an open mind towards different activities, rather than making up excuses and missing out.

If you have any Challenge Ideas; Please comment down below and let me know.

Thanks for Reading, please Remember to check out The Video!
xo

Enjoy Day 14? Why not Read/Watch Day 13? Day 12?

Struggling with Mental Health?
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....Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
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....NHS: http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx
    Call: 111 (for urgent needs)
....Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you
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