Should Women ask Men out?

Bonjour and Hello Romantic Readers, 

Before we start, I feel that I must disclose that I’m a big old feminist, (don’t get scared and run away when I say this), I literally mean that I believe in the equality of the sexes and genders. I believe that no matter who you are; you should have the same rights as the person standing next to you, your neighbour or any other random person you see on the street. I’m not an extremist Feminist, I don’t believe that either men or women are better than one another. Still with me? Great, I'm glad we cleared that up, now onto the reason you clicked onto this Blog Post:

Should Women Ask Men Out? The feminist side of me automatically says yes, there shouldn’t be a problem in doing so and If I ever have children or nieces and nephews I would probably encourage the same views and mindset on them. There is no reason why a Woman shouldn’t be able to ask a man out on a date, there is no valid reason in my mind why this should be something only men can do and achieve. 
However, we’re in a day and age where not everyone is behind the concept of feminism and equality. The traditional Romantic views are still portrayed upon us in films and throughout the media. The message often portrayed is clear; the man must do the asking, the woman asking is wrong, desperate and won’t be taken seriously, be it a date, marriage or any other form of declaration of love and indeed those were the views and opinions many of us grew up with. So, I thought I'd do a little bit of research with some of my friends to see how they reacted to this concept. Would they feel the traditional romance was dead? Could this be an enlightening path in the movement for equality? Would Men feel emasculated or scared of a woman's approach?

I asked men and women respectively: “If two people are flirting, is it ok for a woman to ask a man out? And has this ever happened to you?”, “If two people are flirting, is it ok for a woman to ask a man out? And have you ever done this before?”.

(Thanks to all of you who answered my questions very honestly, as you already know your feedback is anonymous. If for any reason you don’t feel comfortable with your response being used, please get in touch. Only a small number of quotes have been used.)  

“ I believe it is currently perceived as women being desperate. I have actually done this myself, the person in question is still my friend today but nothing more. I feel it is easier to do if you’re already talking to the person and just casually drop it into the conversation, and ask to hang out as friends to get closer don’t make it a date. Something like mini-golf so it feels less romantic and can pass off as casual. I feel like couples actually do dates more than singles. I know singles that have been on dates recently but the only ones that seem to work are where the man has asked.”

“I’d feel happy and wanted that she’d asked as it gives me security and confirmation in my head. And it most certainly has not happened before.” 

“It wouldn’t concern me, I mean I’d be a Little relieved as it would tell me she’s interested in me enough to ask me. I have been asked out a few times, yeah, It then tends to be me organising [the date] but the initial question has been asked by a woman yeah.” 

“My opinion would be 100% ok. Of course! I'm pretty sure I probably have done that before, I'm sure there's an element of just my personality type in there which means I do that too. I think if a guy is so fragile that a woman breaking an archaic stereotype in asking him out first makes him so taken-aback then that is a man I would never want to date!”

The answer was a resounding yes, of course, it’s ok for women to ask men out. Hooray! However, it was interesting to see that some women were still influenced by the media and movies. There is still a perception that deviating from the social and gender norms could come across as desperate, with a woman seeking approval or attention. Whether this comes from their personal experiences or just from their influence by the media I couldn’t tell you, (either because I don’t know and didn’t ask or because they’re rather good friends and no one likes to see dirty laundry online). Judging by the male feedback, this perception of desperation isn’t the case. So are all our favoured films, TV show, and media influences really just putting us, women, back into our box of gender norms? Are these outlets really a reliable source of information? Have you ever actually asked a male friend his thoughts on the matter? Ladies let’s be honest, If for some reason the guy you’re asking out thinks that you’re desperate, he is most definitely not worth your time, space, effort or thoughts. 

“I am absolutely fine with a girl asking me out. They seem more confident and prepared to follow through with what they want. I have been asked out a few times by girls before.” 

“ Yeah, it’s happened a few times. It’s a great feeling and if I'm being honest; exciting and I suppose a lot of it is relief that I didn’t have to be the one asking; as the social norm is ‘the man woos the woman’ and ‘puts in the groundwork’.”

“I'm well up for women asking men out. As lovely as chivalry is, a woman has just as much right as a man to propose a date! Saying this I haven't done it myself as I've been with my boyfriend for many years. My friend recently proposed to her fiance and I respected her very much for doing so!”

In fact many of the men I asked were almost shocked and surprised by my question, asking in turn if this -a woman asking a man out- isn’t common or already another norm? No lads, unfortunately it’s not all that common, although I am loving your enthusiasm and open mindedness about this social situation, this may very well be the case sooner than we think. Many of the men who responded have already been asked out by women, and others admitted that they would welcome this openly. (No, before you ask every man I know or asked these questions to, is not a saint or knight in shining armour and they would be the first to admit it.) One thing is certain; these men have a clear respect for women and would even feel a little relieved to have some pressure taken off of them when it comes to the world of dating and courtship. After all, men know how hard it can be to ask someone out, and they have respect for anyone who has the confidence to do so no matter their gender.

"I have never asked a man out, but that's because I'd be too scared of rejection and would probably leave the country if he said no 😂 I think women are absolutely okay to ask a man out, but because of the stereotypical views that it's a man's role, it's rare and takes a confident woman to do so. If I met someone I really liked and wanted to go out with them, I'd hope I would ask them. I know a few women who have asked men out, and it hasn't always got a positive response which I think says a lot about society. Gender role norms are still very much prevalent, I think!” 

“ I think it depends on the situation. If it's very obvious then yes I would, but I wouldn't want to get rejected so unless I was sure the guy was actually into me I wouldn't.”

“I would be very flattered especially since I haven’t been asked out [...] before. Although I think it would depend on the person and how they did it. I like the thought of a girl who is decisive and knows what she wants [...]. However if she asked me out and was very loud and brash I may be put off because I’d associate that brashness with the need to control. [...] Whereas if the girl was confident, I’d respond to that more positively [...] [l] want to have equality and mutual respect [in a relationship].”

Putting yourself out there and asking someone else out or admitting you have feelings for someone can be daunting, I know this from first hand experience. Fear of rejection was common worry amongst the responses received. If we flipped the situation, to the emotions a man goes through when asking a woman out; fear of rejection is also top of the pile, amongst embarrassment and other worries. 
So, ladies, we’re not alone when it comes to this fear of rejection and putting yourself out there. Just because a man has had the social upper hand, doesn’t mean every woman they've asked out has said yes. If you're flirting with someone or simply like someone and they have asked you out yet, why not ask them? Some men may need a helping hand along the way and might be relieved and grateful that you took that pressure and fear of the unknown and rejection out of his hands. 
That being said, probably best not to do a Ron Weasley and go up and shout at them or even worse demand a date, be respectful and polite to the individual you're talking to. 
So guys, if a woman comes up to you and asks you out, be polite, you know how daunting and shitty this situation can be, be a gent. A woman isn't desperate if she asks you out, she simply likes you and would like to spend more time with you. 
So, If someone says no to you, or rejects you it's not the end of the world, and in fact, they will probably admire your courage for asking in the first place and could be the beginning of a good friendship. 

I want to Thank the people who contributed to this blog post again, for their time and honesty, and to all of you who have read this. It seems silly to me but heterosexual individuals tend to stick to their own gender when giving each other dating advice or talking about these social situations. If you have friends of the opposite sex ask them! Sure everyone is different, but a man is more likely to know how men think and feel about a situation rather than a woman just guessing his perception/opinion and vice versa. If you have a friend of the opposite sex asking your opinion, be honest with them, the world of dating can be tricky and whilst some believe in games, and ‘dating rules’ I genuinely believe respect,  communication, honesty, and being yourself is the best policy.

There you have it, The conclusion that my friends helped me come to is that anyone can and should ask anyone else out, no matter their sex or gender, so long as they're being respectful and polite to the individual they're talking to. 
What about you? Have you ever been asked out by a woman? Are you a woman who has asked out a man? Did it end in happily ever after? Has this blog post changed your views and opinions on this matter? Or even give you the confidence to ask someone out? Please get in touch or comment below and let us know.

Thanks for reading 

xo

So, who should pay on the first date? If you would like to take part in a survey for my next dating blog post by simply answering one multiple choice question Click Here. All answers are anonymous and results will be revealed next week. Thank you.