Day 33 Without Anxiety
Richmond Fellowship Careers
What's The Challenge?
Go to a careers meeting with Richmond Fellowship.
Why The Anxiety?
I still get anxious meeting people I don't know, I won't be meeting the same Lady from the coffee morning because the careers side of Richmond Fellowship has another representative. I knew where I was going but I was still anxious, worried we wouldn't get on, that she would be really strict or say that they couldn't help me. I was worried I wouldn't be good enough. The last interview I had (Day 32 Without Anxiety) I cried in, and I'm going to have to open up and explain my situation all over again. I really don't want to end up a blubbering mess in a careers meeting.
Anxiety before? 🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
There's a pattern in my behaviour on the mornings of a challenge before I have to leave the house, I become rushed, (If you've followed my challenges, you probably noticed it sooner than I did.) I have to check and double check (sometimes triple check) everything to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. Getting ready to go out somewhere could actually take me hours, if I listened to all my worries my anxiety and symptoms would snowball into a full blown panic. No one likes panic attacks. I've mentioned before that "in hindsight, I should have prepared the night before" so I decided to learn from my mistakes. Wow, the difference it made this morning was incredible, I didn't panic, or worry, I even had enough time to walk my dog before I had to leave, I was able to leave the house early and walk down in time to be early for my appointment. This whole preparing the night before actually works, who knew? (Everyone Bash, everyone knows this.) Sure, I'm still anxious about going to this meeting but it's manageable at the moment, at the moment I'm in an "I've aced this morning, check me out, super organised female boss" kind of mood.
Anxiety During? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕
Richmond Fellowship employ the nicest people on Earth! You already know that I arrived early, (great first impression, 5 points to me) I had to sit in the waiting area and started to shift a little, moving my foot, checking my phone, playing with my necklace, the little body language signs that indicate someone is nervous. I started to feel uncomfortable, whilst most people were busy either with clients or other office matters, I felt like people were looking at me, I know people were looking at me, sure I might be wearing a bright red/orangey puffer jacket, you know what, it was probably the jacket, or at least that's what I kept telling myself. (Side note: Just thought I'd let you know whilst typing about 'the waiting room' I have gone tight chested, and feel like my airways are closing, I'm getting anxious reliving this experience, even though I'm sat in my kitchen alone, the joys of anxiety.)
I get to meet the Lady who (little did I know then) would become a great support, ally and dare I say it, friend. As we walked into our meeting room we had a little chat about how we got there, the weather, polite British chit-chat. I told her about my 100 days challenge and asked for her permission to film, she was intrigued by my challenge and didn't hesitate in saying yes. We spoke about the careers side of Richmond Fellowship, and how the organisation can help me, we spent a lot of time filling out paperwork and a personality survey. I felt very comfortable around this woman almost immediately, she quickly realised which talking points were triggers for me and covered those areas sensitively. The 6/10 anxiety rating (the red circles above) is not because of this woman I had just met, if I was just meeting this lady it would have been a two, maybe three at most.
Even though there was sensitivity and understanding, I still had to talk about matters that triggered my anxiety. I hope that one day I'll be able to talk about everything as openly and honestly as I see a lot of others doing, but for now, it's still hard, and emotional. The time flew by and the meeting was over before I knew it. Before I left, the Lady said to me that: 'I'm a brilliant individual, I came in looking very confident, and spoke eloquently' (when I could get my words out that is), she then said: 'she felt it important that I knew her first impression of me, because I'm worth a lot more than I think I am and I have so much to offer, I just needed to give myself a chance' (side note: I'm now crying, I didn't say this to brag, the opposite, I did it to show you the words of a complete stranger that just spent an hour with me, and that If you're going through you're own mental health journey: You are brilliant and worth more than you think you are).
I get to meet the Lady who (little did I know then) would become a great support, ally and dare I say it, friend. As we walked into our meeting room we had a little chat about how we got there, the weather, polite British chit-chat. I told her about my 100 days challenge and asked for her permission to film, she was intrigued by my challenge and didn't hesitate in saying yes. We spoke about the careers side of Richmond Fellowship, and how the organisation can help me, we spent a lot of time filling out paperwork and a personality survey. I felt very comfortable around this woman almost immediately, she quickly realised which talking points were triggers for me and covered those areas sensitively. The 6/10 anxiety rating (the red circles above) is not because of this woman I had just met, if I was just meeting this lady it would have been a two, maybe three at most.
Even though there was sensitivity and understanding, I still had to talk about matters that triggered my anxiety. I hope that one day I'll be able to talk about everything as openly and honestly as I see a lot of others doing, but for now, it's still hard, and emotional. The time flew by and the meeting was over before I knew it. Before I left, the Lady said to me that: 'I'm a brilliant individual, I came in looking very confident, and spoke eloquently' (when I could get my words out that is), she then said: 'she felt it important that I knew her first impression of me, because I'm worth a lot more than I think I am and I have so much to offer, I just needed to give myself a chance' (side note: I'm now crying, I didn't say this to brag, the opposite, I did it to show you the words of a complete stranger that just spent an hour with me, and that If you're going through you're own mental health journey: You are brilliant and worth more than you think you are).
Anxiety After? 🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
I left feeling a mixture of emotions, happy and proud I had taken such an important step in getting my confidence back and getting on the career ladder. Pleased and thankful that the lady was just as fabulous as she was understanding and kind. Anxious and sad because of trigger topics, and worried that I was late for my dentist appointment. I legged it to the Dentist and arrived 5 minutes early (still bossing it today) only to find out I was a day early (can you over boss something?). Walking home from the dentist gave me time to reflect properly on the meeting, with the rush of the dentist and relief I didn't actually have to go in until tomorrow, I no longer felt heavy. I had a spring in my step, I finally acknowledged that I'd made such an important move in my recovery Journey and I was proud.
Update?
I wasn't sure whether to put this as an anxiety challenge but after today I'm glad that I have. I found this quite emotional to write. It's probably not the most interesting, exciting or daring of my challenges, but it was one of the most important. This meeting helped to set off a chain reaction of events that (I can't even begin to describe how) have helped me along with my recovery. I really want to say Thank You to this Lady, who has been not only a great help and career advisor, but incredibly caring, understanding and supportive.
(N.B. I'm no longer working with Richmond Fellowship but will never forget how amazing this organisation is, or the support they have given me, they really do "Make Recovery Reality". I will leave a link Here if you want to check them out. If you're feeling generous feel free to Donate to this incredible organisation that helps so many people from all different walks of life.)
If you have any Challenge Ideas; Please comment down below and let me know.
Remember to check out The Video!
Thanks for Reading
xo
Struggling with Mental Health?
Helpful Links:
Infoline: 03000 123 3393
Call: 111 (for urgent needs)
....Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you
Helpline: 116 123 (UK & ROI)
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