Day 32 Without Anxiety
Job Interview
What's The Challenge?
Going to a Job interview.
Why The Anxiety?
Many people get pre-interview butterflies and most people will have them on their first day too. When you have anxiety, social anxiety or another type of mental illness an interview can be extremely difficult to go through. I am the type of person that cannot even watch interview shows on TV they give me too much anxiety and I have never been able to sit through an episode of Dragon's Den. The thought of sitting down across from two people and talking about your life, your achievements and why they should hire you makes me feel ill (it used to make me cry, but my confidence has been growing thanks to these challenges and therapies). I would love to able to film the whole interview process but that isn't possible, (I feel like my camera has almost become a security blanket in some situations) but I will take you with me as much as I can.
Anxiety before?
In the lead up to the interview, I died my hair (from bright pink/purple) back to a 'normal' brunette shade, and had been researching a 'fundraising event' that I had to prepare and present for the interview. I really did my research and made sure I had all the questions that I think I'd be asked about the event covered. My friends were also a great hand with this, asking me prep interview questions and about the event.
On the morning of the day of the Interview, I felt physically and emotionally sick, I didn't sleep much the night before, despite my medication and nighttime routine. I had once again prepared everything the night before and was able to clean up the animal's mess without it making me run late. (Ah, yes, animals are lovely aren't they, two of mine managed to get sick on the same morning, that morning, the morning of my interview! The joys of animals.) I listened to a power playlist on Spotify (I cannot remember the name of it for the life of me) in the taxi and before I knew it I was entering the building. (little tip: power playlists and music can help keep you calm and focused. )
Anxiety During?
I'm early, Horray, (5 points to me) I've always been told to arrive early to an interview and knowing that I have one tick marked off the checklist makes me feel a little more comfortable. The receptionist is welcoming and I sit for about 5 minutes before being called through. I'm greeted by one of the interviewers, as she shakes my hand I immediately feel more at ease, (Do you know one those people who just look and feel happy and make you feel comfortable straight away? This lady is one of those people) I'm taken through to a meeting room where I sit and am handed a glass of water, The ambience of the building was almost infectious (in a good way). It felt relaxed, friendly and yet still busy like things were getting done at a good pace. The start of my interview followed suit, I was able to construct sentences that made sense and answer all of the questions thrown my way and present my prepared fundraising event, until I get asked a question that I find difficult to answer. I start to get stressed, more so than I already am, I noticed that my palms are sweaty and clammy, and then realise my entire body feels sweaty, I'm in the middle of talking when my mind goes blank. (Poop. Keeping it PG here) I can get over most things, even a panic attack will pass but when I have a mind block and I stop mid-sentence I find it very difficult to recover, and I can feel the tears behind my eyes. I take a breath but before I can stop it, I can feel a tear roll down my cheek, I apologise and explain about my situation.
The reaction I received was better than I could have ever imagined, never have I been in a situation where my mental health was just accepted and understood so quickly. The fact I was around people who were so understanding helped a ridiculous amount, I felt as though I was in a safe environment and was surprised to find that I stopped the tears and calmed down so quickly. I'm not going to lie, I knew I had thrown the interview by crying, and I advise everyone to not cry, however instead of crumbling I decided to climb back out of the hole I had just dug myself. I talked more about my background, career and the motivations behind my drive, my 100 days without anxiety challenge came up when asked about my current projects, and I felt comfortable showing my efforts and how hard I work on myself and my content.
The second part of the interview was to do with collecting data and statistics, I manage to do half of what was required but I was completely lost on numerous occasions. I still had the fact that I cried in the back of my mind and I put pressure on myself to do everything else perfectly but could feel another wave of panic and anxiety pour over me. Before I knew it this section was also over, I thanked the people I met and left.
The reaction I received was better than I could have ever imagined, never have I been in a situation where my mental health was just accepted and understood so quickly. The fact I was around people who were so understanding helped a ridiculous amount, I felt as though I was in a safe environment and was surprised to find that I stopped the tears and calmed down so quickly. I'm not going to lie, I knew I had thrown the interview by crying, and I advise everyone to not cry, however instead of crumbling I decided to climb back out of the hole I had just dug myself. I talked more about my background, career and the motivations behind my drive, my 100 days without anxiety challenge came up when asked about my current projects, and I felt comfortable showing my efforts and how hard I work on myself and my content.
The second part of the interview was to do with collecting data and statistics, I manage to do half of what was required but I was completely lost on numerous occasions. I still had the fact that I cried in the back of my mind and I put pressure on myself to do everything else perfectly but could feel another wave of panic and anxiety pour over me. Before I knew it this section was also over, I thanked the people I met and left.
Anxiety After?
About halfway down the road out of view of the office I sigh a sigh of deep relief, and say to myself "I did that.". It's difficult to explain how I felt, both proud and happy that I just did what I did, and impressed with how far I've come but at the same time kicking myself because I knew I could have done better. I was so annoyed that I had cried but I tried to make sure it didn't overpower my little joy of completing another challenge and making such an important step within my recovery. I went home and ended up crying, and had a nap due to emotional exhaustion, I woke up, treated myself (Side Note: I still treat myself after every challenge, I'm operant conditioning myself, giving myself a treat whether the outcome of the challenge is good or bad because, at the end of the day, I still completed a challenge and deserve a reward) and continued with my day.
Update?
I didn't get the Job but what I did get was some brilliant feedback, and the opportunity to volunteer and train with the Organisation to help build my skills and confidence. I am incredibly grateful to have been given this opportunity, I'm thankful that the team are willing to help me in this way. There are more challenges coming up all thanks to this charity and the opportunities they have given me. Thank You!
I didn't get the Job but what I did get was some brilliant feedback, and the opportunity to volunteer and train with the Organisation to help build my skills and confidence. I am incredibly grateful to have been given this opportunity, I'm thankful that the team are willing to help me in this way. There are more challenges coming up all thanks to this charity and the opportunities they have given me. Thank You!
If you have any Challenge Ideas; Please comment down below and let me know.
Thanks for Reading
xo
Enjoy Day 32? Why not Read/Watch Day 31?
Struggling with Mental Health?
Helpful Links:
Infoline: 03000 123 3393
Call: 111 (for urgent needs)
....Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you
Helpline: 116 123 (UK & ROI)
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