Day 44 Without Anxiety
Music Concert
What's The Challenge?
Attending a Music Concert.
Why The Anxiety?
I struggle with large crowds, they often feel unsafe, there are too many variables, too many things could go wrong, and as we know with anxiety (if you don't and you're new here hi, thanks for joining) I catastrophise; my head jumps to all and any worst-case scenario and I can daydream a stampede, mosh pit, crushing situation, or fight and I'm caught in the middle or you know a natural disaster occurs and because there are so many bodies around there's no quick escape and mass panic ensues (new person if you're still reading this it does get better). Luckily for me, the tickets are seated tickets and so the probability of those scenarios happening is dramatically reduced, even so, they'll probably still linger at the back of mind. Another reason I'm anxious is that I don't want to be ill or have IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome, sounds super sexy I know) or any of the lovely symptoms that come along with my anxiety, and I really don't want to ruin the experience for other people. I don't know how I'm going to cope with the volume, I often get bad headaches or days when my hearing is heightened and every tiny noise is amplified (something as simple as closing the dishwasher can sound like banging on a drum set).
I'm worried I'll panic, I'm worried I won't be able to cope, I'm worried that I'm attempting too much too soon and I'm worried I'll need to leave before the concert ends. I really want to enjoy this experience but I'm terrified I'll ruin it for myself and everyone else, not to mention the other worst-case scenarios and natural disasters running around my head.
I'm worried I'll panic, I'm worried I won't be able to cope, I'm worried that I'm attempting too much too soon and I'm worried I'll need to leave before the concert ends. I really want to enjoy this experience but I'm terrified I'll ruin it for myself and everyone else, not to mention the other worst-case scenarios and natural disasters running around my head.
Anxiety before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕
Thanks to the support of my friends, family, different therapists and already completing 43 of these challenges, I've learned that I can do things I used to and conquer new things too. I've learned that if I'm going somewhere I've never been before I can still plan, I can ask others of their experience and do more research into the event itself and the venue. Researching and planning help to stop certain worries in their tracks, it keeps my brain busy and helps me find answers to questions I'm bound to ask myself. I researched the principality stadium and looked at pictures inside and out, I asked my family and a few friends on their experience at an arena concert and relied on some memories of one I had attended a few years back. I found two articles from The Mighty Site really helpful ('20 Tips for Going to a Music Festival or Concert If You Have Anxiety' and 'How to Deal With Concert Anxiety'). If I'm completely honest those two articles became my bible leading up to the show, whenever I had a doubt I would read them and remind myself I had all my bases covered. It didn't stop my anxiety all together but I was able to soothe the irrational thoughts a lot better.
The morning of, the panic rose, I felt it slowly throughout the day, the car journey there, was very chilled, full of music and stories, and I had my lists I could refer back to, but I could tell the nervous excitement was agitating my anxiety. Once we'd arrived in Cardiff, we parked up and had to find somewhere to eat, crap. (If you're new you won't know my struggle with eating out, restaurants and public spaces make me panic) That's when my anxiety decided to have a little party, every pub, and eaterie was full, -I think some kind of sporting event was on and of course- a lot of the crowd were there to see Ed Sheeran. I had started to feel sick, and then- just to be the cherry ontop- my period pains decided this was the moment to stage a full-blown invasion, the joys of being me. Once we finally found a spot to eat and grabbed a seat, I could only stomach half of my noodles and decided to try and nibble at them in the queue, (at least it would give me something to do, try to keep myself and my mind busy) fresh air should also help with the appetite. After an emergency dash to a shop to get some Ibuprofen and water (because guess who despite weeks of planning forgot them!?) I also took an IBS symptom reliever, (I could feel the wind coming and my nervous tummy turning) within 20 minutes we were at the gates, my pain was gone and I had managed a couple more mouthfuls of noodles.
The morning of, the panic rose, I felt it slowly throughout the day, the car journey there, was very chilled, full of music and stories, and I had my lists I could refer back to, but I could tell the nervous excitement was agitating my anxiety. Once we'd arrived in Cardiff, we parked up and had to find somewhere to eat, crap. (If you're new you won't know my struggle with eating out, restaurants and public spaces make me panic) That's when my anxiety decided to have a little party, every pub, and eaterie was full, -I think some kind of sporting event was on and of course- a lot of the crowd were there to see Ed Sheeran. I had started to feel sick, and then- just to be the cherry ontop- my period pains decided this was the moment to stage a full-blown invasion, the joys of being me. Once we finally found a spot to eat and grabbed a seat, I could only stomach half of my noodles and decided to try and nibble at them in the queue, (at least it would give me something to do, try to keep myself and my mind busy) fresh air should also help with the appetite. After an emergency dash to a shop to get some Ibuprofen and water (because guess who despite weeks of planning forgot them!?) I also took an IBS symptom reliever, (I could feel the wind coming and my nervous tummy turning) within 20 minutes we were at the gates, my pain was gone and I had managed a couple more mouthfuls of noodles.
Anxiety During? 🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
We took a few pics outside the stadium, bought t-shirts and then found our seats, there were surprisingly no queues and so I had no queue panic, and no time to let my mind wander further than it already had, off to a good start.
I had to spend a penny twice before the show started, this may be TMI to some but for those of you with anxiety wondering why this happens, I found out recently that it's a normal flight or fight response, when you feel highly anxious your body tries o empty itself as much as possible so that you're lighter and able to run faster or longer away from the danger, It's also the reason why I feel too nauseous to eat anything, my top tip here is to suck on a mint or boiled sweet, your body will realise that you're not in any immediate danger because you have time to suck on a mint and your bodily functions will start going back to normal, (obviously if it keeps happening when you're not nervous/anxious please see a doctor).
I knew I was still anxious and was worried I was going to be up and down all evening and not be able to enjoy the concert, I only needed the toilet twice more after that (clearly hadn't learned the mint trick yet), the concert lasted a 3 and a half hours (by my calculations that's pretty good going).
So what stopped my nervousness I hear you ask? Part of it was the company, my family are the best and kept asking me if I was okay when I needed it, but were amazing at distracting me in conversations and not treating me like I was on the verge of breaking, and they acted like being at the concert wasn't a big deal, really helped, I started to feel like a normal girl (we'll leave the 'what's normal' debate for another time), seeing musicians she loves with people she loves. When the music started playing I became that 'normal girl' I was one of a few thousand, singing their heart out and enjoying the show and talent laid before me. When the artist's fist came on stage I worried I would need a nip to the loo or that I would panic or a worst-case X, Y and Z scenario would happen, but as soon as the music started, the thoughts stopped, I stopped and actually enjoyed myself. Every artist put on a show of their own, Jamie Lawson, Anne Marie, and of course, the main event Ed Sheeran. In between their songs and sets they'd chat to the crowd as if they were a mate who'd just popped by for a cuppa and I know that helped too, the atmosphere and the vibe of everyone there was super friendly and chill, everyone was there to enjoy the music, the artists and have a good time. It's an experience I will never forget.
I had to spend a penny twice before the show started, this may be TMI to some but for those of you with anxiety wondering why this happens, I found out recently that it's a normal flight or fight response, when you feel highly anxious your body tries o empty itself as much as possible so that you're lighter and able to run faster or longer away from the danger, It's also the reason why I feel too nauseous to eat anything, my top tip here is to suck on a mint or boiled sweet, your body will realise that you're not in any immediate danger because you have time to suck on a mint and your bodily functions will start going back to normal, (obviously if it keeps happening when you're not nervous/anxious please see a doctor).
I knew I was still anxious and was worried I was going to be up and down all evening and not be able to enjoy the concert, I only needed the toilet twice more after that (clearly hadn't learned the mint trick yet), the concert lasted a 3 and a half hours (by my calculations that's pretty good going).
So what stopped my nervousness I hear you ask? Part of it was the company, my family are the best and kept asking me if I was okay when I needed it, but were amazing at distracting me in conversations and not treating me like I was on the verge of breaking, and they acted like being at the concert wasn't a big deal, really helped, I started to feel like a normal girl (we'll leave the 'what's normal' debate for another time), seeing musicians she loves with people she loves. When the music started playing I became that 'normal girl' I was one of a few thousand, singing their heart out and enjoying the show and talent laid before me. When the artist's fist came on stage I worried I would need a nip to the loo or that I would panic or a worst-case X, Y and Z scenario would happen, but as soon as the music started, the thoughts stopped, I stopped and actually enjoyed myself. Every artist put on a show of their own, Jamie Lawson, Anne Marie, and of course, the main event Ed Sheeran. In between their songs and sets they'd chat to the crowd as if they were a mate who'd just popped by for a cuppa and I know that helped too, the atmosphere and the vibe of everyone there was super friendly and chill, everyone was there to enjoy the music, the artists and have a good time. It's an experience I will never forget.
Anxiety After? 🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
I cried as I left The Principality, (Ok fine, and I'm crying now too) I was so overwhelmed at how unbelievable the experience was. I caught myself at moments singing along to Anne Marie (never knew I knew so many of her songs, she's amazing life, go if you get the chance) and Ed Sheeran was beyond incredible and actually indescribable, one man and his guitar and 60,000 people singing louder than him along to every single song. I didn't have a panic attack, I actually had an amazing time, and to think earlier in the day I almost turned around and canceled my plans because I didn't think I could do it. I didn't have an ounce of anxiety after, we walked out with big crowds but It didn't bother me. We ordered McDonald's, (I had clearly not eaten enough before the concert and now that my anxiety had gone and my bodily functions normal again, I was now ravenous) and ate it in the car whilst waiting in standstill traffic for over an hour and I didn't panic once then either. I was proud of myself the whole ride home and basked our little bubble of happiness, I did close my eyes for a wee while (being emotional and panicky and on your period is exhausting) and before I knew it we were home.
Update?
There are more music adventures to come, this challenge has proven I can do things I want to do, and that I can enjoy things, and sit through a concert and still come out not only alive and breathing but feeling a good rush of adrenaline, not questioning if I need to fight or flight but actually just enjoy the moment. If you have anxiety and ever get the chance to go to a concert/theatre/show of someone or something you love or are into, do it! If I can go through all that and still have a good time, so can you.
If you have any Challenge Ideas; Please comment down below and let me know.
Thanks for Reading
Enjoy Day 44? Why not Catch up on Day 43?
Struggling with Mental Health?
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