Day 4 Without Anxiety

Letting Yoda Loose

What's the Challenge Today?

Letting Yoda off his lead Whilst on a walk.

Why the Anxiety?

Really? He's a puppy that has never been off the lead before, I'm sure any dog owner would be pooping their pants let alone one with my anxiety levels. He could run off, run away and never get dognapped, accidentally hurt someone, get hurt by someone or something, he could get run over (no I'm not letting off the lead near the road, that's silly and against the law) he could die, and it would all be my fault. What if my dog doesn't love and runs away to find a new family, with an owner that's a little less well like me?

Anxiety Before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕

OOOOOOOh my goodness, why did I talk myself into doing this? What will I achieve really? he doesnt actually have to ever be outside off his lead really does he? Snap Out of this Ashley!! You can do this!! It'll be better for the pup if I do this right? breathe! I have the usual sickening, breathless, sweaty, shaking, feelings that come with this higher level of anxiety, along with stomach ache, headaches, and oh yes, that grumble of the stomach, IBS lets me know it's also just popped up to say hi. I feel like a mess and I'm, about the leave the house, how I'm actually going to find the courage to turn the door handle and get out I don't know. I could lose my dog forever.

Anxiety During? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

I did it I plucked up the courage walk straight to the enclosed park, and as soon as the gate was closed I let him off his lead. I was so relieved when he just stood, looking at me with those doe eyes, tilting his head from side to side awaiting my command. Even after encouraging him to walk on, run a little, explore and inspect his surroundings, as soon as he was satisfied he had sniffed an area adequately he gleefully return ready to lick my wellies or jeans.  When running ahead he would stop and turn around just to see that I was still in the area, or run straight to wherever I was stood/walking, admittedly he nearly tripped me up half a dozen times during this process. Being outside in the beautiful country surroundings and realising that my dog really does love me unconditionally and doesn't want to leave me (either that or he knows I'm where his next meal is coming from, rather food obsessed). I feel wanted and needed and like I'm actually able to relax a little, to this little dog I am quite possibly the most important person in his life and the sense of purpose I feel right now Is incredible. Maybe, just maybe I'm not a completely useless person after all. 

Anxiety After? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

Once was fine, beginners luck maybe? I can't hack this sense of worry that the dangers of dog snatchers, being flattened by a car, mauled by another dog or simply running away are all still very many factors that I must be vigilant for everytime I'm going to walk him. I'm honestly so relieved that today went well, but am already feeling symptoms of anxiety awaiting tomorrows walk about sans lead! I feel this may be an area or activity that I may never truly be 100% comfortable with because he just means so much to me. The fear and guilt of feeling like a failure if anything did happen to him, while significantly reduced, are still rather strong. I feel that Yoda may have enjoyed this activity 100x more than me, I have a very happy pup falling asleep on my lap and this, in turn, fills me with happiness.

Update?

Well, well, well, It seems like forever ago that I wrote this and let him off his lead for the first time. I have managed to let him off his lead every day since then. He has never had any type of accident with another human or animal or other objects or beings, he hasn't been run over nor kidnapped (touch wood, none of these things happens to him!). He has, on the other hand, runoff and put himself in danger, going through an open gate (please if you're going to a park, or green area with a gate close it behind you!!) and ending up a scared, shivering statue in the road, quickly rescued and corrected, but still scaring the life out of both of us. I have realised that I am rather a good owner and continue to train and care for my little companion rather well. I'm not a failure in this aspect of my life, and I am extremely proud of this. You may assume after reading this that I'm a bit of a crazy dog lady, I honestly couldn't care less. If something feels you will love and happiness and gives you a purpose then of course you will love it back and want to look after it as best you can, nothing crazy about that. 

Completing this challenge gave me the confidence to take Yoda to different places, including into the city center, to go shopping, to cafes and pubs, and to meet up with different puppies.

Thanks for reading

xo

Enjoy Day 4? Have you read  Day 3?

P.S. Hi guys, just thought I'd add a side note and let you know for one of my future challenges I am going to climb the O2 arena in London (I'm petrified of heights). I'm doing this to not only conquer my fears and anxiety but I'm helping to fundraise for POST PALS, a volunteer run charity that is hoping to send severely and terminally ill children away for the weekend with their families. Please Click on the links (in blue) if you would like to DONATE or FIND OUT MORE about this wonderful charity and project. (I 'm paying to do the Climb myself so any donations you make will go straight towards helping to make some beautiful family memories for the children who live in hospitals). You can also Donate by texting 'PALS56 £1' to 70070 to donate £1, (the amount can be adjusted eg 'PALS 56 £10' will donate £10.) Thank You, soo soo much xo

Struggling with Mental Health?

Helpful Links:
....Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
    Infoline: 03000 123 3393
....NHS: http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx
    Call: 111 for urgent needs
....Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you
     Helpline: 116 123 (UK & ROI)