Day 5 Without Anxiety

Hair Dying

What's the Challenge Today?

Dying my hair purple

Why the Anxiety?

Purple hair!? Need I say more? Oh, I do, as you may already know control and vulnerabilities are the two big factors that play within my realm of anxiety. I feel as though having purple hair will attract more attention to my Barnett, am I ready for this? I honestly do not think I am, what if it goes wrong and it's the wrong colour? What if people point and stare at me in the street? Or laugh behind my back, what if all my hair falls out? This could be disastrous!!

Anxiety Before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

I'm guessing it's not advised to put the permenant dye on your hair whilst shaking like a leaf? I have dyed mine and other people's hair on many occasions, I know the protocol and all should go well as my hair is virgin (no previous colour or damage). I still cannot shake the feeling something will go wrong. I've made sure the animals are inside so they don't accidentally inhale or try to eat the dye, although the smell would probably deter them. What if it comes out fluorescent or makes my hair fall out? what if it looks horrible? oh goodness, what am I doing? Basically covering every base to make sure I don't over worry or panic, who am I kidding, I'm petrified. 

Anxiety During? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕

I am not doing this how I remember, why do I have so much hair? why can I not remember where I just put the dye!? My mind has gone blank, Why did I think this was a good idea? Oh, my goodness, my stomach and headache, I feel very nauseous and I'm still shaking!? this will definitely not be easy, Why can I not remember how to dye my hair? I'm trying to think back to all the times I dyed it before but it's blank... Also, I decided to use, one mirror and the one mirror was also the smallest mirror we own!? Do I just like making things harder for myself? I feel extremely sweaty considering today temperature and oooh look I'm getting it on my skin, this better wash off!!! I'm feeling a little queasy, I have hair dye EVERYWHERE? I never remember it being this messy!? I look a bit like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, you know the one who turns into a blueberry!! Everyone will laugh at me!!

Anxiety After? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

For some reason this challenge is just going from bad to worse I cannot see any difference in my hair colour and my face looks like a child has just attacked me with some purple paint/felt tip scenario. I actually want to cry, I feel very stupid and rather like a waste of space. Oh, wait, ok, so there is a tint of purple in the hair!? I can deal with a tint, ooh not so worthless after-all. I am still rather unhappy with this I do not feel confident, I feel a lot like a failure right now and just want to run and hide and cry. I will probably change my hair A.S.A.P.

Update?

Since the initial dye was done I took the plunge and went with the Manic Panic bleach (vegan) and La riche directions hairdye to acheieve: purple, mermaid effect, green (was supposed to be blue), blonde-ish, back to purple. I'm not sure what colour I will go next but I think for now my hair will be happy with a rest. I do not feel self concious aboutmy hair in the slightest and can always dye it back to a dark colour for professional or other reasons and so am no longer worried on that fron either. I absolutely love my hair, I did this for me and that's really all that matters, this has given me such a boost in confidence it is unbeleivable. I really did miss my purple hair and I'm happy to have it back.

Thanks for reading

xo

Enjoy Day 5? Have you read  ?

P.S. Hi guys, just thought I'd add a side note and let you know for one of my future challenges I am going to climb the O2 arena in London (I'm petrified of heights). I'm doing this to not only conquer my fears and anxiety but I'm helping to fundraise for POST PALS, a volunteer run charity that is hoping to send severely and terminally ill children away for the weekend with their families. Please Click on the links (in blue) if you would like to DONATE or FIND OUT MORE about this wonderful charity and project. (I 'm paying to do the Climb myself so any donations you make will go straight towards helping to make some beautiful family memories for the children who live in hospitals). You can also Donate by texting 'PALS56 £1' to 70070 to donate £1, (the amount can be adjusted eg 'PALS 56 £10' will donate £10.) Thank You, soo soo much xo

Struggling with Mental Health?

Helpful Links:
....Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
    Infoline: 03000 123 3393
....NHS: http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx
    Call: 111 for urgent needs
....Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you
     Helpline: 116 123 (UK & ROI)