Day 9 and 10 Without Anxiety
Shorts Day and Go ape!
What's the Challenge?
Today is 2 challenges is one, I’m wearing shorts in public and going to complete the Go Ape treetop adventure course (other treetop adventure companies are available #notanad).
Why the Anxiety?
The shorts are on par with the dress challenge, just taking it one step further: I like many other women, do not feel comfortable showing a lot of flesh and shorts is about as flesh flashy as you can get for your bottom half without parading around in your undies, bikini or going nude!? The treetop course was supposed to be just an exciting activity but as the activity drew closer I realised I was going to have to tackle a lot of anxiety and fear: 1, I have a fear of heights, 2, pretty sure I’m going to fall and break my neck, 3, SPIDERS, I’m in the trees where all the creepy little beasts live, 4, I’m going so far out of my nice little comfort zone, and I'm putting myself in a situation where I feel very very vulnerable and have little control!! Come on Frenchie, you can do this!!! Just remember to breathe!
Anxiety Before? š“š“š“š“š“š“š“⭕⭕⭕
The heat is one thing I’m not a particular fan of at the moment and oh boy, it is hot today!! (for reference this challenge took place on one of the hottest days of the year in England.) Does anyone else feel like their anxiety gets worse in different weathers? When it’s really hot my anxiety heightens as well as the miserable cold when my depression pops by for a visit. I couldn’t sleep last night, dreams of plunging to my death from the treetops is all my subconscious could summon (definitely disappointed with my imagination here). My interrupted sleep meant that in the morning I felt, ratty, tired and nauseous, sound familiar? I also felt a little naked getting dressed, looking down at my shorts and seeing my legs still there, “well hello there, been a while since you two have seen the outside world” (I’m feeling very happy I remembered to shave them). I’ve begun to learn that humour, -yes, even sarcasm- is a very good calming technique, it helps to relax and alleviate the worries in my mind. When the nauseous, dizziness and other symptoms manage to seep through the wall bubble of laughter breathing techniques are the best options, and both were used in the car journey, to the tree top and anytime I remembered how exposed I felt in shorts.
Anxiety During? š“š“š“⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
I feel like Tarzan. Justine, Lucy and I tackled each obstacle at a time and I don’t think we completed any of the Treetop course without laughing. These girls are one of the best comedic duos I know, they always know how to get me in stitches and help me forget my worries. I feel that without these two beauties I would have frozen, probably cried and maybe even vomited, it may sound grim and a bit of an overreaction, but this is still how I felt in the back of my mind. Any obstacle where I looked down I was getting mild vertigo, any jump or Zip Wire made my stomach flip, I want to cry with fear and relief at the end of every one. I felt the adrenaline pulse through my body and I wanted to keep going and do more of the course, I honestly felt like Tarzan and my inner tomboy child, was absolutely loving every second of this challenge.
I must admit that most of the time I forgot I was in shorts, and actually thankful for my outfit choice (did I mention it was the hottest day of the year?). This being said there were times of catcalling, car beeping (also shown in the video) due to my choice of attire, and I could feel that scared person sneaking back in, the need to run and hide and cover myself up, trumped by the fact it was so hot was still there despite all my courage. (Just a little note to the boys who think they’re men, and think it’s ok to do these forms of cat-calling, whether it is the first time you have seen a woman in a pair of shorts or not, just shut-up, drive on and Grow Up! No one is dressing that way for you! Your input is unnecessary and beyond rude!!) I’m so pleased to say that I didn’t let that person sneak back in, I didn’t let my fear and these creeps take me back to place where I was drowning in self-conscious, self-doubt. I persevered and stayed the whole day in shorts, I knew I was right to be in shorts, I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong, I knew the people beeping their cars were losers and I’m proud of myself for being able to stay so strong.
Anxiety After? š“š“⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, In case you haven’t seen the video yet (which I think you should, just saying) I chose the hardest obstacles, did every leap of faith and Zip Wire available. I feel incredible!! Can I please go again!!?? Even though I never landed running and often feel on my bottom, I completed the tree top adventure, and as the day drew to a close I changed out of my shorts into my PJs for the evening,I realised I had accomplished two petrifying challenges in one day, I could not be prouder of myself. I honestly don’t know how to explain this feeling, it’s something beyond pride, it’s almost a though I feel my self-worth slowly coming back. I feel powerful and strong, I feel like I may be able to beat this anxiety once and for all. I know these challenges are working and I can do them, I feel like I can achieve my goal of 100 challenges and I feel so loved and supported by my friends. I feel empowered as a woman and as an individual, and I’m smiling because I’m genuinely happy.
Update?
Whilst I haven’t completed another treetop adventure course since this Challenge, I have been able to walk out and about wearing shorts. Mainly just to walk Yoda and/or feel comfortable in this heat, but It’s still an amazing achievement, I’m starting to feel like the girl who had to hide away less than a year ago is becoming the woman who is proud of who she is and not afraid to show it.
Thanks for reading
xo
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