Day 17 Without Anxiety
Tackling Train Travel
What's The Challenge?
Riding the train by myself. (Because I'm a big girl now)
Why The Anxiety?
Think of every logical scenario that could go wrong on a train ride, I'll wait till you have a good list... Okay, that's not bad, now add every illogical scenario that could go wrong... go it? Yeah, so that's just a small insight into the life of Ashley, wait, what? you want to leave already and never tide a train again? That's understandable, you can go. For those brave souls who have stayed, either because you're sadistic and want to witness my discomfort or because you're an angel who wants to hold my hand and help me through this tough time. On a more serious note, I'm always worried first of all that I will miss my train, or that I will get on the wrong train (both have happened before, true story), or that I'll fall asleep and miss my stop (also happened, I woke up at the end of the line, it took me a second before I realised it wasn't a prank). Aside from my own, tiredness, stupidity, just me being me; there can also be numerous mechanical failures and 'signaling errors'. Even if we brush that to one side we have the factor which is probably the scariest of all other people (or as my old driving instructor used to call them 'idiots'). I don't mean the normal people that keep themselves to themselves who may occasionally smile at you if you awkwardly bump into each other or cross each others' gaze, no. I mean the people that make you feel comfortable on purpose. The people who are drunk and want everyone to know it. The people who smell and decide to stink the cart out and kill your asthmatic lungs by spraying deodorant (and it's always vile smelling, never the nice scents). The people that insist on sitting next to you despite the vast amount of empty seats around you, the people that decide to fight on the train and scream at each other at the top of their lungs, or the people that stare at you for no reason what so ever for the entirety of your journey. Why?
Anxiety before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕
This is probably more anxiety than I should have, I have been on a train so many times. I used to spend hours on trains commuting from the north to the south of England every couple of months. Why do I feel shaky and lightheaded? Every aspect of getting to the train station is nerve racking and I have to go back and double check I haven't left anything anywhere. The double check takes up more time and gets me in a tizzy/stressed state before I've even left the house. Walking to the station I feel exhausted which subdues the silly thoughts of horrors and their probability of occurrence when riding a train.
Anxiety During?🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
After making it the station on time, in one piece, ticket ready waiting on the platform, the false sense of security kicks in. That feeling that it's great you're here that lasts but a second before: "brilliant you're here, now remember carefully did you lock the door?", "brilliant you're here, what are the chances you got the times wrong and you missed your train?", "brilliant you're here, I bet the creepiest person ever is here too and they'll sit right next to you". I hate that false sense of security, it just makes things worse. When actually on the train, thanks to my log of hours commuting, I have gained enough experience to know the type of activities that pass the time. Soduku is my favourite train pass time, reading a good book or listening to an audiobook, admiring the view, catching up on my Youtube subscriptions (btw you can subscribe to my very own Youtube channel, thanks) or even writing a diary or journal are all brilliant alternatives. I picked up a Metro paper and after a quick read of the reviews, I flicked straight to the Soduku with my pen at the ready. Despite a passenger spraying a terrible aerosol deodorant, (DO NOT SPRAY DEODORANT ON THE TRAIN, especially if it smells as bad as this guys, his b.o. smelled nicer, and I'm not even joking) the journey was actually rather pleasant and thanks to the activities my brain calmed down and was no longer in worry overdrive.
Anxiety After?🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
There was absolutely no need for me to be worried about something like a train ride. I've been on trains alone, many times before and I'm sure I will do so in the future. That being said I did have a sense of pride and acheivement when I stepped onto that platform and passed through the barriers. I was beaming from ear to ear! The way back was a little more stressful as trains had been canceled due to a broken down freight train and I wasn't sure how I would get home, luckily my best friend is a doctor, we worked out everything calmly together and we provented an anxiety attack that I could start to feel erupting inside.
Update?
I have been on trains since this occasion, both by myself and with others too. I'm no longer afraid to hop on a train by myself and would happy board a train anywhere in the Uk. Right now that's done, just have to do all the other modes of transportation...
If you have any Challenge Ideas; Please comment down below and let me know.
Remember to check out The Video!
Thanks for Reading
xo
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