Day 31 Without Anxiety

Richmond Fellowship Coffee Morning


What's The Challenge?
Going to a Coffee Morning and socialising with strangers.

Why The Anxiety?
I'm about to go to a cafe I've never been to before, to meet people I don't know, what's not scary about that? Well, I do know one person there, the representative from Richmond Fellowship that you guys saw /heard about on Day 20 . We get along well together and it's a massively reassuring that I know she's going to be there. If she wasn't going, I know for a fact I would not go either. I'm trying to put myself out there a bit more and socialise with different people, but I find this really difficult to do, I'm usually a shy person and relatively quiet person If I don't know you, then add on top feelings of self-doubt, social anxieties and you get a rather unsociable outcome. 

Anxiety before?
I go through my usual symptoms of feeling light-headed and nauseous. I would usually start the day checking Pinterest and Polyvore to get some outfit inspiration, but I'm currently in my 'No Social Media' Challenge (yes, I know two challenges at once, how brave am I? I'm going to need a rest after this week.) and therefore don't have access to either of these. I'm stumped I have no clue what to wear and this makes me start to stress and panic, I should have sorted this out last night and set an outfit aside to put on this morning and be good to go, what a fabulous tool hindsight is. Most people can relate to the nightmare of 'What to Wear?' but not everyone lets their mind snowball and panic about everything else you have to do in the morning and just sits on their bed wanting to cry/hide away from the world (the joys of anxiety). I use video blogging as a way to talk about how I'm feeling and remind myself that I have to get up, get dressed, get sorted and go to the coffee morning. I have had to cancel on every coffee morning this month, either due to illness or other circumstances. I tell myself I can get everything done and it doesn't matter if I'm late because I haven't stated a time I will be arriving and the coffee morning lasts a good 2-3 hours. This calms me down and I put together an outfit I have already worn and had compliments on, it's casual but not in a frumpy depressed 'leave me alone' kind of way, in a more approachable and friendly way. It's amazing how much the right outfit can do for your confidence and smile.

Anxiety During?
As I arrive outside the cafe my phone dies, I have no way of contacting the Lady from Richmond Fellowship and letting her know I'm outside. After 5 minutes trying to work my phone (it was not playing ball), I realised I had a choice I needed to make, my two options: 1. go inside the cafe by myself and try to find them, 2. go home and charge my phone, email/call her as soon as my phone is charged and explain what had happened and I couldn't go in. My choice came down to whether or not I was going to let my anxiety get the better of me. I started my breathing exercises and opened the door to the cafe, as I stepped through I saw the Lady sitting at a table and a wide smile appeared on her face as soon as she saw me. I was happy that I had made the right decision, I chose me and not my anxiety and that I had somehow timed it perfectly to have a one-on-one. The other people attending the coffee morning had popped out back for a quick smoke, which enabled us to have a really good chat and catch up before everyone returned. I felt very welcome and relaxed. 
When the group reassembled at the table introductions were given and the conversation started, most of the time talking about people or things I didn't know about or was 'too young to get' although I did add (what I hoped was) some intellectual comments about the overall subject at hand. I started to feel out of place as the conversation went on, and when the lady from Richmond Fellowship had to leave for another appointment, I also made my excuses and left.

Anxiety After?
Whilst the idea and the concept of the coffee morning is great, I must admit that I did not feel comfortable there. Looking back I'm glad I did it, but I had nothing much in common with the other people and they seemed to have their own little group already made, frankly, I felt like an intruder. Whilst I know I was made to feel welcome, without the Lady from Richmond fellowship there I don't think I would have had much to talk about. I'm in no way knocking or putting down the service or the people at the coffee morning, it just wasn't for me, and it's ok to admit that. One of the reasons I started doing these 100 challenges was to put myself out there and asses the situations I like to be in and activities I like doing. Whilst I like the idea of going for a coffee morning, I now Know that particular 'coffee morning' isn't for me. I'm really grateful for having the opportunity to go and the support I received before and whilst I was there. 

If you have any Challenge Ideas; Please comment down below and let me know.
Thanks for Reading
xo

Enjoy Day 31? Why not Read/Watch Day 30?

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