Day 34 Without Anxiety

First Day Volunteering 


What's The Challenge?
Start volunteering for a Charity Organisation. 

Why The Anxiety?
How much time do we have? Most of us will have had first day nerves as some point: joining a school, a group/activity/class, starting a new job. I don't believe I'm alone in this social situation. Starting anywhere, whether a job/internship/volunteering is a stressful situation. I have both a fear of the unknown and a fear that I may not be good enough, get everything wrong and they ask me never to return. If you're reading this thinking, wow this lady is a bit overdramatic, she needs to calm down, I'm aware of this, and aware that you do not have anxiety, social anxiety or depression.  My mind has a habit of jumping to the worst case scenario and labeling myself as a failure before I've even started most tasks (the joys of anxiety). You also have to remember this is the place I had the Job interview and Cried/panicked (see Day 32), so I'm very nervous about showing my face in that office again and hoping that I don't for any reason end up crying again. 

Anxiety before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕
Remember that put together woman you've seen over the past few challenges, arranging everything the night before and feeling like a boss? She prevailed once again, organising what to wear, putting a bag together and assembling what I need the night before. On the morning of, however, I crumbled. I panicked twice before leaving the house, on time due to the first day nerves that most people get which snowballed into panic, the second was because my dog was ill, I had to clean up everything before I left the house, so even though everything was ready for me to pick up and go, I felt rushed and when I rush, I panic. I sort out the dog, making sure he's ok and leaving him plenty of water (turns out he just ate his food too quickly, which is a common occurrence in pugs) and set about catching a bus. 2 waves of panic down and I'm on the bus when I realise I have no idea, if in my moments of panic I remembered to lock the doors. Oh, Poop! What do I do? I'm already halfway to my destination when I realise I may have to turn back, but If I do so I will be late for my first day, and my little perfectionist mind cannot handle that, a good second impression after a teary interview was key. I start to panic once more, this time on public transport and tears start rolling down my cheeks, the bus starts spinning and I feel like all hope is lost (see I told you very dramatic, see pic above) when the heavens looked down on me with kindness and my phone pings with from my Richmond Fellowship support worker and asking how the day is going (aware it was my first day volunteering) after a rushed and flustered text back she calls me, amid tears and a low "public transport voice" (we all have one). We agree that the safety of my house and dog is key, and plan for me to get off the bus at the next stop, catch a bus home and then the fairy godmother that is my Richmond Fellowship support worker offers me a lift to the office for my first day. And Breathe, panic averted. I execute the plan, the house secured I catch a lift with to the office and am gifted with more words of reassurance and encouragement. I enter the office the calmest I've been all morning.

Anxiety During?🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
Despite initial nerves that come along with walking into a room of strangers, a had little to panic about during my time in the office. We set up in a small meeting room, door open to the rest of the office but still I felt safer and more comfortable in that little room than on the main floor. I was accompanied by another volunteer and the assistant fundraising events coordinator, we made introductions and set about assembling packs for the Longleat Glow run in the park event, bib numbers, pins, headbands and information popped into envelopes ready to be sent off to the recipients. It was a simple task, one I'd never actually done before but could easily succeed at, a brilliant task for easing into space. I got to know more about the other volunteer although he was rather quiet, I spoke most to the assistant fundraising events coordinator, we found common ground early on and found ourselves chatting throughout the rest of the afternoon. My mind and hands occupied by the task at hand and the comforting easy flow of conversation didn't leave much time for doubt, worry, overthinking or panic. I felt like I had accomplished something by the time I stepped out the front door and was pleased on a successful first day. I didn't cry once in the office, yay!
Anxiety After? 🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕
I'm Kicking myself, why was I so nervous before? that was a breeze, everyone was so lovely and friendly, I was made to feel welcome and valued form the moment I stepped through the door. The panic before was almost unbearable, I was so close to canceling the day and hiding under my duvet from the rest of the world. I'm so grateful to my Richmond Fellowship support worker for her help, guidance, and encouragement, her help was so understanding and encouraging. I'm proud of myself for admitting today was hard, to my support worker, my family myself and to you now in this blog post, It's difficult to ask for help sometimes, but I did and I'm all the better for it. I also completed my first day with the Charity and hope it was the first of many.

Update?
I am still volunteering for this charity and hope to for a while. They do so much amazing work, with veterans, homeless and marginalized people. 

If you have any Challenge Ideas; Please comment down below and let me know.

Thanks for Reading
xo

Enjoy Day 34? Why not check out Day 33?

Struggling with Mental Health?
Helpful Links:
    Infoline: 03000 123 3393
    Call: 111 (for urgent needs)
    Helpline: 116 123 (UK & ROI)

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