A Style Awakening and Mental Health Evolution
The Difference A Year Makes
This year I completed Lauren Messiah's 10 Day Style Awakening Challenge for the Second time, that's right completed it last year too. (I did the 10 Day Style Awakening Challenge & I Did Another 10 Day Style Awakening Challenge) Those of you who know me will know how much this style challenge helped me the first time around and have seen the boost of colour and print in my wardrobe and in my confidence. I've decided to take a look back at through the two completed challenges and see how far my style has come along, the changes I have made and what changes I still need or want to make.
I have done my very best to not look back or start comparing the two challenges until I finished the challenge for the second time. I think It'll be interesting to see the effects of the style awakening process and how my style is linked to my mental health.
Day 1- Spill It
In 2018 my entry for day one sounds like a cry for help and in many ways, I think it was. The sentence: "I have anxiety and depression and I have let that become my identity and control my wardrobe choices" pulls at my heartstrings. I had already started making a change in how I was behaving and taking steps towards a sense of self and identity. I cannot believe how raw I was still feeling going into the first Style Challenge process, and how open and honest I was with myself and everyone else from the get-go (aka borderline oversharing, aka actually oversharing). I remember feeling ready to take the next steps in my life but not knowing where to start, I was lost, and I'm proud that I understood that I needed and sought out help.
In 2019 I don't even mention anxiety or depressions until... wait, I don't even mention anxiety or depression in Day 1. (Wow, I'm sat here feeling a mixture of pride and disbelief, I'm actually in shock, waiting to see whether or not I cry... (I didn't)) I'm shocked but also proud of myself this already shows the growth and the difference in my personality and identity. I express my troubles with getting ready: "I [...] fear that I'm never dressed right for the day or the occasion.". I seem to be open and honest but also humorous and not afraid to make fun of myself. If I can do that online why not with my style?
I'm getting strong imagery of a butterfly waiting to emerge from its cocoon, in 2018 I was a caterpillar making my cocoon, (possibly already in the cocoon) and in 2019 I'm almost ready to emerge. I can't believe the transformation in my wording, I sound like a completely different person, in 2018 I needed help in 2019 I want to get my wings and be able to fly. I have confidence, I have the clothes, it's almost as if I needed someone to say "it's ok, you can do this" like the encouragement you need when taking the stabilizers off your bike when learning to cycle. (clearly, I've become a big fan of metaphors, similes, and imagery)
Day 2 - Average Outfit
By comparing the two photos I can tell straight away I've got better at taking outfit photos. My hair has had a very dramatic change from shoulder length to pixie crop, my pixie crop has also changed a few of my style choices too. I seem to have picked a similar sort of chill day with the dog around my feet type of outfit but have progressed from a baggy shapeless grey top and mom jeans to a jumper and jeans french-tuck combo.
The description of my daily outfits hasn't really changed much, I think it's just the "dog mom" uniform that I've adopted. However, I've made sure to keep out of sweatpants and "loungewear" until the evenings or when I'm ill and can't move. I live and die in jeans, but I will sometimes change it up with a patterned trouser or skirt. This year I talk more about being confident to go out and about and meet up with people in my daily get-up but last year I really lacked that confidence and wanted to hide away from the world. I feel as though my average outfit has stepped up a level since last year but I know I still have a ways to go.
If I wasn't worried about dog hair or walking through muddy terrain I'd probably be a little more glam, I make the excuse that this is my life and environment and so I've found a uniform that works comfortably, however, I'm ready to inject a little more oomph.
Day 3 - Dream Outfit
The differences keep on coming, between 2018 and 2019, I have become more focused on what I want. Sure I'm still surfing Pinterest and the style tab on my Instagram as well as blogs and style sites but I'm no longer irresponsibly comparing myself to others styles' and their outfits. Instead, I'm finding inspiration and working out how I can incorporate the things I like into my own style and if they would work well with my body shape. This is one of the first big lessons that Lauren has taught me and it's incredible, I can look at an outfit, like it but know it wouldn't suit me, it doesn't get me down or throw me back into a baggy frumpy outfit. If we all looked amazing in the same things we'd all wear the same things all the time and that would be boring, the versatility and individual touches to an outfit are what makes styling an art form and it's brilliant to be able to take a step back admire someone else's work and not compare yourself to them or put yourself down.
I think I demonstrated the positive but realistic mindset in the 2019 style challenge, I love the elegant, crisp and classic, all black or all white outfit but knew it wasn't practical for me and didn't suit my lifestyle. I can appreciate the beauty of the look and possibly set it as a future goal but I can still be adventurous with my wardrobe and add classic black and white items into my daily style.
Day 4 - Emotional Baggage
There is a real openness and connection with the emotional baggage side of the challenge in 2018 but a much more logical and methodological approach in 2019. I must confess that I have painstakingly been through my wardrobe with a fine tooth comb and removed any items that have a negative emotional attachment, bad memories or guilt items (eg, gift that's you don't feel you can let go of). This being said I have kept a few items that probably won't keep forever but have some great memories attached to them and make me feel great when I wear them.
I cannot tell you how much an emotional purge on your wardrobe makes you feel lighter and a little less stressed too. It's made me love delving into my wardrobe and styling up different pieces and has given my wardrobe a new lease of life.
Day 5 - Shopping List
I love my shopping lists, I have saved oodles of pennies and time by having a list of items I need or want to get. I hope to improve this list to stop buying the more frivolous items and to really build up a fabulous wardrobe with strong key pieces. I no longer get the buzz of an impulse buy with clothes but a buzz from buying statement pieces which I know will last me a long time and I can get maximum styling use out of.
The lessons I learned in shopping added onto my already formulated method means I have become more mindful when I shop, I'm looking at the quality of fabric, the materials used, comparing the price against the wearability and making more informed decisions about where I shop and where my money is going.
I've already accumulated some brilliant quality basics and am pleased with the direction of my wardrobe and style. I've also found I tend to take care of my clothes a little more now and try my best not to spill anything or mark my clothes. I feel pride in scanning my wardrobe and getting dressed, who knew a shopping list could do so much?
Day 6 - Show Me The Money
There is only a little difference in my answers between 2018 and 2019, in 2018 I wanted to shop nothing but sustainable, vegan and eco-friendly, whilst that is still the goal, in 2019 I also want a little luxury. I want to do everything I can to shop responsibly but I also want to own beautiful pieces that make me feel fabulous. I can help save the world and treat myself at the same time.
I do enjoy the fact that I came back to this task in 2019 and added that I would want to be a part of the design process and really get to know the designers and the fabrics. It would honestly be a dream come true to be able to be part of the creation process of my own garments and I'm always fascinated by how things are made.
Day 7 - Wear It
Wow! These outfits are so different, in 2018 the item I wanted to dare myself to wear was a shirt with frills and in 2019 I'm daring a whole outfit. The difference in confidence in the two photos is really surprising. This was the first time in the 2018 challenge when I stopped referring to my mental health or therapy or some other sentiment ( aka the oversharing). I was fully immersed into the challenge and land of Lauren Messiah that I had the courage and confidence to pull off a shirt which, at the time, was the boldest item in my wardrobe. I can remember the feeling of wearing that outfit to this day it was a turning point for me 100%.
The biggest difference between the two, is that in 2018 I was wearing the shirt for Lauren's challenge and the compliments made me feel great, in 2019 I wore the outfit for me and I felt confident in it regardless of what other people said.
Day 8 - Style Idols
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| Instagram/ @songofstyle, @emmawatson, @binkyfelstead, @chrisellelim, @victoriabeckham, @gigihadid, @katiesturino, @frankiebridge, @shaymitchell, @hollywilloughby |
I feel as though I was trying to be methodical with my style inspirations but really every woman has a smart, smart casual and casual look, the stars I used to look to for inspiration didn't have similar body shapes or lifestyle choices, it's no wonder I was in a bit of a rut. I think that Day 3 (dream outfit) and Day 5 (shopping list) really helped me understand who to look for inspiration and what to admire and appreciate in the style stakes. I still love Aimee Song, Chriselle Lim, Emma Watson, Victoria Beckham, Gigi Hadid, and Binky Felstead's styles but their body shapes are completely different to mine, the most part flat chested petite beauties, whilst I'm tall and a little more filled out in certain areas.
Whereas, Katie Sturino, Holly Willoughby, Frankie Bridge, and Shay Mitchell all have similar qualities or style tastes that match mine, so I'm able to visualize whether a style they are sporting would suit me, and how to adapt it into my wardrobe or recreate a look.
Day 9 - Improving My Style
Even though we're coming to the end of the challenge I'm still amazed by the differences in both years. In 2018 it was as if Lauren had given me and my wardrobe a new lease of life, I was ready to rid myself of the baggy, grey dark and somber clothes and make way for a better fitted, bolder and brighter clothes. I did end up donating a selling all the items that were too small and didn't fit. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realise how much my weight would fluctuate in between these challenges and I have regretted letting go of a few things that would fit me now but all in all I think it worked out well. (reaching an oversharing level, I'll stop now)
What caught me a little off guard was that Day 9 is the first time [in the 2019 challenge] I start to talk about mental health or emotions, yet still remain practical. The goals and targets I want to achieve are clearly set out in my last challenge, I know Lauren's lessons have already worked and I know what style I want to achieve and whilst I have a ways to go in my recovery journey, I know my wardrobe will improve with my mental health and work-life balance.
This is the first stage [of the 2019 challenge] when I realised just how much I'd changed and how much my mindest and style go hand in hand.
Day 10 - Commitment
It's clear after reading through both challenges that my commitment hasn't wavered. I've taken everything Lauren has taught us on board, these challenges and the lessons I have learned has changed the way I think, shop and dress. I have a confidence and sense of pride when I get dressed every day, I know where everything I own is and am trying different combinations and experimenting with looks. I'm dressing for myself and not others. I'm waking up in the morning feeling inspired, I no longer dread getting dressed, nor do I view it as a chore, I like my clothes and think my wardrobe is beautiful. I take time in getting ready but if I need to rush I can pull together a smart-casual outfit in seconds. Since the last challenge, I have continued to incorporate my "confident clothes" into my daily outfits, and have been playing with my accessories.
I have learned so much, I still cannot believe these challenges were free, I love that I'm still in contact with a few of the Ladies from the styling challenge facebook page and I love seeing their outfit ideas and the exchange that we get to have with each other.
This challenge was the tool I never knew I needed to kickstart the rest of my life, everyone around me has seen the changes, and I'm so glad I took the time to look back on both challenges and appreciate how much my life, confidence, and style has improved. It's called a style awakening for a reason and I can't quite believe how awake I am. I know I still have room for improvement but instead of filling me with dread and wanting to retreat, it's inspiring me to make the next steps in my journey.
I'm often asked why my blog is a mix of mental health and style, not only are they two parts of my life I'm very passionate about, I also feel as though they are very much entwined. These Style Awakening Challenges are a prime example of how style and confidence go hand in hand. My happiness, confidence, and self-esteem have increased dramatically during and after completing these challenges. There is no doubt in my mind that the way we style ourselves is a reflection of our emotions and mental well-being, I know it had been the case for me as well as others I know.
The Lady I have to mention is Lauren Messiah and my gratitude towards her, her priceless knowledge, generosity, and tough love approach. (I'm finding this section the hardest to write. Thank you almost don't seem like enough.)
Lauren if you're reading this I do want to thank you, I now understand why you called these Challenges a Style Awakening, not only do I feel as though I've risen from a deep slumber but I'm out of bed and ready to go. I use the tools and lessons you have provided on a daily basis, most of the time subconsciously but also have those reflective "what would Lauren do/say?" moments.
Not only are these challenges full of knowledge, inspiration and case stories, but you've also made it a fun space, you've brought people together from all different walks and stages of life and given them a key to help unlock their potential.
If you're not Lauren and you're reading this; thanks for coming along this journey with me feel free to go back to the challenges (I did the 10 Day Style Awakening Challenge & I Did Another 10 Day Style Awakening Challenge) or check out Lauren Messiah's (@laurenmessiah) Website, or Youtube Channel.
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