Day 45 Without Axniety
Sky Dive
What's The Challenge?
Oh nothing much, just jumping out of an aeroplane at 10,000 feet. I'm going to Skydive.
Why The Anxiety?
Did I mention the challenge consists of jumping out of an aeroplane at 10,000 feet? Yes, right ok. Did I also mention I'm afraid of heights? Did I mention that If ever I'm on a roller coaster (which hasn't happened for a good few years) the sharp vertical descent is the scariest most scream-inducing part? Did I also mention, I'm really not sure why I'm doing this, and I feel a bit sick just thinking about it.
Anxiety before? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕
As the words "I will do it too" came out of mouth I knew I meant them but as soon as they reached my lips I was already kicking myself. My dad did a skydive for charity when I was younger, and the activity has been on my bucket list ever since. His birthday was just around the corner and he'd decided he wanted to Skydive again, I had already been planning on doing one for one of my later Days Without Anxiety challenges, (like 75th or 1000th challenge) but hey ho, let's up to the timeline and do it now. So we booked it, and after many stomach-turning dreams and worst-case scenario's that mainly involved the parachute not opening (I'll spare you the rest of the many detailed scenarios), the day of the dive finally arrived.
I'm not sure how I stomached breakfast, barely would probably be the right word, we had a light snack before we left for our time slot at the airfield. Nervous was probably not the word I would use to describe how I was feeling, a sense of dread may be more accurate.
Believe it or not there were times pre-skydive when my anxiety alleviated: 1- filling out the forms (maybe because my brain was occupied), 2- watching the skydive video (if they could do it, I could do it), 3-sitting in the harness and going through the different positions (I felt semi-prepared that my future 'falling out of an aeroplane self' would know what to do).
Most of the time: the waiting, or zipping up in the Diving suit and finding a hat and goggles, and the waiting, I was filled with that sense of dread and nausea.
I'm not sure how I stomached breakfast, barely would probably be the right word, we had a light snack before we left for our time slot at the airfield. Nervous was probably not the word I would use to describe how I was feeling, a sense of dread may be more accurate.
Believe it or not there were times pre-skydive when my anxiety alleviated: 1- filling out the forms (maybe because my brain was occupied), 2- watching the skydive video (if they could do it, I could do it), 3-sitting in the harness and going through the different positions (I felt semi-prepared that my future 'falling out of an aeroplane self' would know what to do).
Most of the time: the waiting, or zipping up in the Diving suit and finding a hat and goggles, and the waiting, I was filled with that sense of dread and nausea.
Anxiety During? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕
Now luckily for me, we didn't have to wait long and our names were called not 10 minutes after "training" for our jump, I also didn't have to worry much about filming because I had already pre-booked a go-pro diver to come along for the ride and capture my pretty little face falling 10,000 feet. Unlucky for me, my penchant for travel sickness mixed the slightly turbulent plane ride and eager skydiving instructor -who decided to show me the altitude setting on his watch every time we cleared another 1,000 feet- probably did not help my anxious feelings. I was the third person out, my sister first, my dad second, I was third. (I kid you not I'm going slightly dizzy as I write this and the emotions and visuals I had then resurface If I close my eyes I am once again edging out of the plane).
Now the other two left the plane without a hitch, however (I always have to be the awkward one) as I shuffle forward and edge out of the plane my long limbs conspire against me and my foot is caught under myself, now at this time I'm mostly out of the plane aside for this wayward foot, the instructor is trying to get me into the right position and fully out of the plane, I am trying to help do so but moving my foot whilst also not trying to kick him in the groin. With a plane still full of people and a pilot waiting to go a further 5,000 feet, I believe that my instructor just gives up and decides to dive a little more sideways than most. (I would just like to point out this little foot sticking situation happened in the space of seconds on the video but in my mind, felt like an eternity)
We exit the plane and for a while, I'm staring at the skydive logo on the bottom of the plane, I register that I'm falling backward in the sky (see photo above for reference), "oh my f***ing Gahhhhhh" I scream as we turn to face the right direction. I felt my organs shift inside of me as we rolled in mid-air. Now we're right side up, according to the videos, but I'm starting to think I preferred looking up at the sky rather than down at the clouds. I then realise that I'm falling. I'm in the air nothing is connecting me to anything, there's no soft cushion or safety net below, this is not like being on a roller-coaster drop I can't dig my feet in anywhere, but I can hold on my harness for dear life, I forget in my mountain of my "OH MY I'M NOT ATTACHED TO ANYTHING I'M LITERALLY FALLING OUT OF THE SKY" screaming thought, that I need to keep in the right position, so I decided to focus a little, I lift my head up further to breathe properly and try to keep my legs (which ironically feel like sea legs) in the correct position and loosen my grip a little on my harness, into eagle spread arms, all behind a fake smile for the skydiver pointing a go-pro at my face. My free fall was supposed to be 30 seconds but I felt like it would never end. I just about catch my breath before I was told to change position and the parachute is deployed pulling us back further with a jolt, (and winding me).
The change of pace was instant, I was no longer surrounded by clouds and no longer had the need to look up, I looked down and the beautiful countryside that rolled out underneath me. I calmed down massively at this point, the parachute having been deployed gave me a sense of safety, I was now (in my mind) attached to something, and not falling out of the sky I was gliding, and enjoying the scenery as we floated down to the ground, at a leisurely pace, (despite my instructor wanting to do numerous flips and turns, I stood my ground as I preferred not to ruin this serene experience with vomit). We had a rather graceful landing and finally, my feet touched the ground.
Now the other two left the plane without a hitch, however (I always have to be the awkward one) as I shuffle forward and edge out of the plane my long limbs conspire against me and my foot is caught under myself, now at this time I'm mostly out of the plane aside for this wayward foot, the instructor is trying to get me into the right position and fully out of the plane, I am trying to help do so but moving my foot whilst also not trying to kick him in the groin. With a plane still full of people and a pilot waiting to go a further 5,000 feet, I believe that my instructor just gives up and decides to dive a little more sideways than most. (I would just like to point out this little foot sticking situation happened in the space of seconds on the video but in my mind, felt like an eternity)
We exit the plane and for a while, I'm staring at the skydive logo on the bottom of the plane, I register that I'm falling backward in the sky (see photo above for reference), "oh my f***ing Gahhhhhh" I scream as we turn to face the right direction. I felt my organs shift inside of me as we rolled in mid-air. Now we're right side up, according to the videos, but I'm starting to think I preferred looking up at the sky rather than down at the clouds. I then realise that I'm falling. I'm in the air nothing is connecting me to anything, there's no soft cushion or safety net below, this is not like being on a roller-coaster drop I can't dig my feet in anywhere, but I can hold on my harness for dear life, I forget in my mountain of my "OH MY I'M NOT ATTACHED TO ANYTHING I'M LITERALLY FALLING OUT OF THE SKY" screaming thought, that I need to keep in the right position, so I decided to focus a little, I lift my head up further to breathe properly and try to keep my legs (which ironically feel like sea legs) in the correct position and loosen my grip a little on my harness, into eagle spread arms, all behind a fake smile for the skydiver pointing a go-pro at my face. My free fall was supposed to be 30 seconds but I felt like it would never end. I just about catch my breath before I was told to change position and the parachute is deployed pulling us back further with a jolt, (and winding me).
The change of pace was instant, I was no longer surrounded by clouds and no longer had the need to look up, I looked down and the beautiful countryside that rolled out underneath me. I calmed down massively at this point, the parachute having been deployed gave me a sense of safety, I was now (in my mind) attached to something, and not falling out of the sky I was gliding, and enjoying the scenery as we floated down to the ground, at a leisurely pace, (despite my instructor wanting to do numerous flips and turns, I stood my ground as I preferred not to ruin this serene experience with vomit). We had a rather graceful landing and finally, my feet touched the ground.
Anxiety After? 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⭕⭕⭕⭕
Still rather high, or is it just the sickness? "I don't feel like I'm breathing properly, sh*t." From the moment we hit the ground my legs felt weird and the queasy feeling didn't leave, I found it hard to breathe. I couldn't breathe properly in the minivan ride back to the start point, or on the car ride home, I could feel pain along with my diaphragm and didn't actually feel right for the rest of the day. Before we left the airfield we collected our certificates, pictures, and videos and saw a few more people take to the air and float down, both members of my family who went up with me had an incredible experience and would have happily gone up again there and then. I was hoping I wouldn't actually be sick and trying to catch my breath.
Update?
Well, I did it, I skydived, I'm still not entirely sure whether or not I enjoyed the experience or if I would do it again but it has been ticked off my bucket list., and my challenges too. It's one of the very few Challenges where I didn't feel great afterwards nor did I immediately want to repeat the experience. I think I was a little disappointed with the fact that I wasn't able to bask in the glory and pride of ticking off another Challenge because of how I felt, and therefore felt I had failed in some way. Looking back now I realise that in reality, I hadn't failed, I jumped out of that plane (or rather was nudged and pushed), I faced some really mahoosive fears (I understand that's not correct English but do not care), the parachute opened, we had a great landing and I ticked off another challenge. I also learned that skydiving may not be for me and that's ok, part of these challenges is to help me discover what I like doing and to try new things, but also find out what I don't like.
If you have any Challenge Ideas; Please comment down below and let me know.
Thanks for Reading
xo
Enjoy Day 45? Why not Catch up on Day 44?
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This limitation in the time that you have in a day makes setting deadlines in time management necessary.
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